Seeing the Gift with Cancer
Does that title surprise you? What goodness could possibly come from the devastating news of a cancer diagnosis? In my twenty plus years of clinical practice in adult oncology, I have seen the full spectrum of patient emotions and journeys—leaving some patients feeling defeated, yet others empowered.
I have learned, and witnessed, that curing may not always be possible, but tremendous healing can be.
Let me tell you about Mary. I met Mary when she was 60 years old.She sat in my office at our initial consultation, with newly diagnosed metastatic breast cancer.Mary was angry, bitter, frightened, and deflated—all at once.As a busy, “Type A”, highly successful real estate agent, she said, “I don’t have time for this #!%&* cancer!!”Her career was her life—unmarried, no children, no hobbies, no religious or spiritual support, and estranged from many family members.
As she cried, both sad and angry at the same time, I held her hand and told her I would do my best to get the cancer into remission.I tried but unsuccessfully fought off my gut instinct that was telling me I needed to take a “leap of faith” with her.I said, “Mary, I would like you to meditate on what gift this cancer is providing for you.”She was at once stunned, and then with a slightly nervous smile Mary said, “Ok I will do it.”
That was ten years ago.Mary had from that moment found her inner strength.She re-created the story of her life.She slowed down the intensity of her real estate work.She regularly meditated and journaled, and joined a meditation group.She ate healthier foods and exercised more, often taking walks in nature.Mary reunited with family members and friends whom she previously discarded—they could not believe her transformation.Her smiles and laughter melted away her angry brow.Mary’s cancer responded quite well to various hormones and chemotherapies, often with few if any side effects.
In late 2013, Mary’s cancer had become resistant to conventional therapies, and she weakened.She passed away peacefully surrounded by family and friends, almost ten years since her diagnosis.
I remember that at my final visit with her, Mary had appeared withered and pale, yet she maintained a warm glimmer in her eyes and a welcoming smile.Mary said, “I want to thank you for asking me to look for the gift my cancer was giving me…I found it.”I asked, “What was the gift?”She responded, “The gift was the message to slow down, to see what really had value in my life, and to feel joy—joy I couldn’t feel before the cancer came.You know, I wasn’t really living before the cancer arrived.That cancer allowed me to truly live.”As my eyes filled with tears, I smiled, and I held her hand.
I have learned, and witnessed, that curing may not always be possible, but tremendous healing can be.
Let me tell you about Mary. I met Mary when she was 60 years old.She sat in my office at our initial consultation, with newly diagnosed metastatic breast cancer.Mary was angry, bitter, frightened, and deflated—all at once.As a busy, “Type A”, highly successful real estate agent, she said, “I don’t have time for this #!%&* cancer!!”Her career was her life—unmarried, no children, no hobbies, no religious or spiritual support, and estranged from many family members.
As she cried, both sad and angry at the same time, I held her hand and told her I would do my best to get the cancer into remission.I tried but unsuccessfully fought off my gut instinct that was telling me I needed to take a “leap of faith” with her.I said, “Mary, I would like you to meditate on what gift this cancer is providing for you.”She was at once stunned, and then with a slightly nervous smile Mary said, “Ok I will do it.”
That was ten years ago.Mary had from that moment found her inner strength.She re-created the story of her life.She slowed down the intensity of her real estate work.She regularly meditated and journalled, and joined a meditation group.She ate healthier foods and exercised more, often taking walks in nature.Mary reunited with family members and friends whom she previously discarded—they could not believe her transformation.Her smiles and laughter melted away her angry brow.Mary’s cancer responded quite well to various hormones and chemotherapies, often with few if any side effects.
In late 2013, Mary’s cancer had become resistant to conventional therapies, and she weakened.She passed away peacefully surrounded by family and friends, almost ten years since her diagnosis.
I remember that at my final visit with her, Mary had appeared withered and pale, yet she maintained a warm glimmer in her eyes and a welcoming smile.Mary said, “I want to thank you for asking me to look for the gift my cancer was giving me…I found it.”I asked, “What was the gift?”She responded, “The gift was the message to slow down, to see what really had value in my life, and to feel joy—joy I couldn’t feel before the cancer came.You know, I wasn’t really living before the cancer arrived.That cancer allowed me to truly live.”As my eyes filled with tears, I smiled, and I held her hand.
